Ok, this is a blog I had intended on finishing yesterday, but didnt get around to....so I worked on it a little bit during the day and now I'm done......
If there's one I love its LISTS. I'm a big lists kinda guy so much so I watch shows about lists, read books on lists, can spark a conversation or 2 about lists, etc. etc. So sometimes when I really dont have much to share, be on the lookout for the occasional list here in Roy's Kitchen. And since romance has been in the air of late, today I thought I'd share with you my 13 rules for dating. Feel free to agree, disagree or just tell me I'm full of shit by the way......but what the heck?share anyway....
RULE #1 - You are NOT in a relationship until it is MUTUALLY agreed upon by BOTH parties that you will be seeing each other EXCLUSIVELY. Till said time happens.....you are by decree SINGLE, no matter how LONG you've been "seeing", "dating", "fooling around" or "boning" someone.
RULE #2 - NEVER date a friend's ex. Here lies the premise for many a Jerry Springer or Maury episode so unless you wanna risk your dumb ass being caught out there on TV......just DON'T do it, after all there's plenty of other fish in the sea (or so they say anyway).
RULE #3 - On a first date, esp. a BLIND date....make EVERY attempt to go dutch. Hey, they say that most woman know within 5 seconds if they're ever gonna fuck you or not, so why risk giving her a free meal when chances are pretty good that you're never, ever getting ANY. When the bill comes, simply take it (or pick it up....whichever), take a look and continue on like nothing happened (even order another drink if u want). This gives her a chance to offer to pay for her half of the meal (that half the time she hasnt eaten anything on the plate anyway) or if you're really LUCKY....yours too! And if she offers (a test of TRUE character indeed), then you can either stop her and say to yourself "what a gal!" and pay anyway or you can risk being seen as a lowlife schmuck (which u know u are anyway). But hey, women want equal rights, right? Sorry, cant have it both ways.
RULE #4 - Don't be too obsessive. If she doesn't call you back after 3 voice mails then she's simply saying she's not interested and you're basically just shit outta luck so just deal with it and more importantly....move on before you get arrested for stalking.
RULE #5 - Do LISTEN to them. Shut up about yourself for a few minutes to hear what they have to say and almost as important....try your best to REMEMBER at least 75% of what the hell they had to say BEFORE you have sex (afterwards its really touch and go). MOST chicks dig the little things (your dick not included) as opposed to the bigger ones and listening can go a LONG way......and trust me if she's as smart as she doesnt look, you WILL BE TESTED!!!
RULE #6 - Don't drink too much. Impaired judgement ALWAYS follows and you only end up looking like an ass, which leads to.....
RULE #7 - ACCEPTing the fact that they WILL talk about you to their friends (which can really do wonders if u live in a small town), this is just a FACT (believe me I've learned this the hard way more then once), so the more you just accept it, hopefully this will give you MORE motivation to not act like a jerk.
RULE #8 - A rule I idiotically almost NEVER follow, but anyway.....DONT ask about their sex life BEFORE you came into the picture because 9 times outta 10, you will NOT like the answer. Besides, unless she's a virgin, why should you even care?
RULE #9 - Don't think that they're ever gonna change for you. In other words, if when u met here she was dressing like a slut, dont think that just because she's dating YOU that she's gonna stop dressing like a slut. If there's somethin going on that you dont like (like her being best friends with her ex who spends WAAAAY more time with her then you do), either drop a subtle hint or there, talk to her about it as pleasant and respectful as possible or decide on your own if its worth you having to put up with.
RULE #10 - Don't make plans out too quickly (i.e. don't start naming your future kids on teh second date)....these days women are just as capable of getting scared of the word "COMMITMENT" as men are. Instead, go with the flow and apply (light) pressure only when feel its necessary and worthwhile.
RULE #11 - NEVER, EVER give a chick MONEY!!! Simply put, this makes you look like a straight-up punk. Only exceptions here are babymamas, fiances and wifey! Other then that, such matters as being behind on next month's rent is NOT your problem. And why is she asking you for loot anyway? when she should surely has family, friends or other associates she can mooch off? Not only does giving a chick loot make you a Gump, but if she ends up spending it on the next man (like SOME of 'em do), then you really need to never show your face in public again.
RULE #12 - Don't talk too much about your ex or any other item from your past that doesnt NEED to be brought up (like that 10-year bid u did for trafficking cocaine awhile ago). And if you do talk about that crazy ex, don't say anything too desparaging. It could cause a pipi le pew situation (you persue and the other runs away as fast as they can).You're, hopefully, starting a new relationship so it's best to empty your luggage at the door.
RULE #13 - Be CREATIVE with yours. Chill with the typical flowers and candy and that "nice, out of the way" restaurant you think everyone else doesnt know about. Instead, use some ingenuity, be different, take her places you think she wouldnt normally go to or take advantage of what you know she likes to do and come with things you know she'll like. And NEVER give her a toaster on any special occasion, not even a four "slicer". And that goes double for frying pans, waffle irons and can openers.....hey, try a Pez dispenser, it worked for me one time!
RULE #14 - be a MAN for chrissakes! This goes hand-in-hand because MOST women really just want the same thing--attention, respect, some romance, appreciation, compliments, reliability, trust, honesty, yada, yada, yada. And sure its easier said then done, but the more effort you're willing to put in, the more the payoff can be HUGE! So be presentable & get your grown-man on, iron your pants, make sure your collar is down, wash your hands, go light on the cologne, make sure the socks match, etc.
RULE #15 - Make 'em laugh....esp. if like me, you aint no pretty boy. Enuff said!
No comments:
Post a Comment