Britney Spears Kids Cry For Help

This cover story from USWeekly is hilarious, ingenious and most importantly, sure to sell a lot of issues. By the way, Britney and K-Fed have are offically over now, so Britney's free to marry again.

Usher Calls Off Wedding

As much as I respect Usher's love for older women, I always had a bad feeling about his (now-ex?) fiancee. Only because even from afar, you could tell she was pretty demanding, she's got 3 kids already and you just know that she played a part in the rift between him and his mom. So obviously Usher had second thoughts all along and thank goodness he called the wedding off because this marriage had "bad future" written all over it. And I'm sure that he'll do right by his kid regardless of whether or not he gets back together with Tamika.

Beyonce Falls Face-First!

Apparently her record company has shut down the exclusive footage of Beyonce falling flat on her face so it's no longer available on YouTube, but thank goodness for TMZ! Serves her right for trying to be Tina Turner.

Lindsay Lohan: "I'm Innocent"

This chick doesn't just need help, she needs to find God before it's too late.

Drew Carey Picked To Host "Price Is Right"

Carey's name came out of nowhere so I didn't think he had a realistic chance, but Drew's funny and has plenty of experience in front of live audiences so he should make for a great host.

Pastor Mase Caught With 2nd She-Male Hooker

Damn, what's up with all these gay preachers? As for Mase, can it get any worse?

Dave Chappelle Hospitalized For Exhaustion

Probably needs to quit doing 6-hour stand-up shows. Poor guy doesn't seem to know what to do with himself after walking away from that $50mill.

Kelly Rowland Collapses On Stage

Now something like this would never happen to Beyonce.

Star Jones Quote of the Week!

“No person of color has been permanently placed as part of the cast of five. When you are putting forth a show, you need to make it look like the fabric of society and not just look like that way from the outside, but feel that way from the inside.”

- former co-host Star Jones on the current status of "The View"

Amy Polumbo, Miss New Jersey, Can Keep Her Crown

The pageant made the right decision here. A few minor risque pictures with your boyfriend from the past shouldn't mean that you get your title taken away. And unlike those sluts Tara Conner and Katie Rees, Amy Polumbo didn't bring any shame to the beauty pageant industry.

Is Aubrey O'Day Leaving Danity Kane?

I like Danity Kane and hoped they'd do well after watching "Making The Band" season 3, but I could never get used to Aubrey O'Day's talentless, overexposed, selfish ass. So if she leaves I say good for the group--Diddy can easily find another cute face to lip-synch for her.

Sly Stone Speaks!

We've long accepted how weird Sly is, just wish he'd come out with some new music already.

Did Clay Aiken Get Beat Up By A Chick?

Wouldn't surprise me at all if he did get beat up by a girl, after all Clay's temper is pretty renowned and let's face it he is a priss. I mean, just look at the guy.

Nicole Ritchie Is Pregnant

Well, pregnancy didn't do much to change Britney Spears and her crazy ways, I doubt that it'll make Nicole any better either.

Padma Lakshmi, Salman Rushdie To Get Divorced

I got into "Top Chef" last year and as much as I liked the show itself, the fact that the gorgeous Padma Lakshmi was a co-host helped me watch repeat after repeat. Of course, I had no idea she was married to Salman Rushdie of all people.

Lauryn Hill Should Retire

Seriously, if you're at the point where you don't even care about the fans who bought your records and helped make you rich, than stop wasting everyone's time and just go away for good already.